Low-Quality Junk Mail

I've noticed lately that most of my junk mail is decidedly inferior to what it used to be. It's almost as if junk mail authors are starting to become disheartened and are only sending out second-best work. In an effort to improve the general quality of E-spam, and to help restore it to its previously lofty position (before E-mail services imposed "junk" filters onto everyone) as America's most-read material, I am going to do a series, including examples, on how to write and disseminate good junk. If you have any favorite categories I should cover, let me know, and I'll do my best to give 'em a shoutout.